I Don't Hookup: A Guy's Perspective on the College Hookup Culture

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Hi guys! I'm so excited to share with you Richard's first post on TBC. Regardless of your opinion on the subject, I hope you find his insight entertaining and thought provoking! And don't forget to let us know what you think of this first contribution in the comments and give us suggestions for upcoming posts :) Keep coming by every Friday to check out the latest and greatest from this new weekly feature!

Most people would agree that I have a pretty rare attitude on the college hookup culture, especially for a guy. Not trying to be sexist or make gross generalizations here (especially in my first contribution!), but it’s the truth.

I’ll admit, when Holly first approached me about writing this post, I was hesitant. “I Don’t Hook Up…” wasn’t something I had ever imagined I would be writing about. When she first brought it up with me, I just let it slide past and said it sounded like a good idea, but really all I could think was what the hell am I actually going to say?  I ended up telling her I wanted a new pitch for my first post but, after thinking for a while, I decided to stick with it, because it’s a topic that I agree is often overlooked.

[Editors Note: I think he was afraid of putting out a controversial and opinionated piece on his first try :) I know you guys won’t be too hard on him though!]

The hookup culture is something that has grown over the past few years, and has ultimately turned into an epidemic, if you ask me. And honestly (on the surface), it makes sense.

Think about it. The time it takes to develop a healthy, strong relationship compared to just “hooking up” with someone for one night and not having to deal with anything more than that, is a drastic change. So why wouldn’t there be a push towards a dominant hookup culture?

Of the very few benefits of hooking up, the most significant one is that you can have what some people consider to be the “best” part of a relationship without the hassle of the “worst” things in a relationship. There’s no worrying about remembering an anniversary, going to dinners or spending countless hours working -- only to spend your hard earned money on a meal or a gift for your significant other. Without the stress of arguments and actually getting serious with someone (or, as some might say, getting "tied down”), hooking up has become the mainstream thing to do.

So why am I against it?

I wouldn’t necessarily define myself as a hopeless romantic, because that’s not really what I am (I’m not hopeless!). However, I do strive to make everything as romantic as possible (whether it turns out that way or not isn’t for me to decide. Its’ for my date, which is indefinitely Holly.)

Although it takes more time, more effort and also more money, dating and/or a serious relationship is something that is beneficial in the long run, because you get more out of it. Love is the most powerful force in the world and, without it, no matter what you believe, the world wouldn’t be the same. To love somebody and to be loved back is a feeling that shouldn’t ever be forgotten or underestimated.

So why settle for a hookup?

If you want my advice, you shouldn't! Don’t let some guy with good looks and a pretty smile get the best of you. Make him give you the best of him! In no way shape or form is hooking up “cute” and the best a guy can do. Any guy, no matter who he is, no matter how bad a#$ he seems to be, has a soft side. Chances are that if he is refusing to show it, he isn’t worth your time. You deserve better than just a one-night stand. You deserve to be taken out to dinner, for coffee, a walk in the park, a REAL date.

So, next time you’re out and you see someone good looking or that you might be interested in, don’t just cut to the chase and hook up. Let things play out, and see if it’s really meant to be. Really, one good night isn’t going to replace the countless days, hours, minutes spent with someone in a long-term relationship. The two options aren’t even in the same league. I challenge everyone out there to consider this mentality, have some self-dignity and say “I don’t hookup”, because nothing feels better in the world than knowing that someone is working to be with you, to show that they love you, while you’re doing all the same for them.

Hope you guys enjoyed the first installation in this series. Let us know what other topics you'd like to hear about in the comments or in my contact section!

xx,

Holly (& Richard)